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You are viewing the most recent 18 entries December 26th, 200910:40 am: Yonmei's Theory of Present-Giving
It is possible to find a satisfactory gift for anyone given the formula T*Ki*£=G, where T=Time, Ki=Knowledge & intelligence, £=money, and the Perfect Gift has an ideal value of 1. The three constants on the left-hand side of the equation also have ideal values of 1, but can have the value of any real number. This equation is often worked out formally at this time of year where G is almost invariably less than 1 since T and £ are usually irrational numbers. However, some gifts go beyond the real values expressed in the formula of gifts, where any of the left-hand values except for £ may become a nontrivial complex number by an act of imagination. (£ must always remain a real number unless you are a government.) This year the 25th of December was framed for me by two presents that went beyond formula right into helpless giggles of delight: a dragon from Julie, which sits on a crystal ball and smiles at me, and a jar of strawberry marshmallow fluff from my sister, which I opened last of all at the end of a dreary hours-long Christmas at my parents flat, and which I am still giggling at every time I read the jar.    Current Mood:  amused , dragons, family stuff, lol!, weird stuff
November 21st, 200909:22 am: Nibling in utero?
I had a will. (And my previous will included the possibility that my brother might have children, or that my sister might have more children, so technically my newest nibling was covered.) But, named bequests are better, and this month is Will Aid month, so I looked up the nearest solicitor to me who was participating and this time, helped by the fact that the solicitor was doing it for free and so had no investment in making it more complicated, I had him write me a classically simple will with a small handful of cash bequests, an explicit instruction to my executor to honour any handwritten bequests that had been dated and signed (legal in Scottish law: I don't even have to get a witness), and the main division of residual legacy* to residual heirs, this time including both nephews by name. But, as the solicitor pointed out (as the last one did) there is the possibility that either my brother or my sister might have more children, and so there's an additional clause adding any other offspring of my brother and my sister as equal heirs with the two named nephews. When the will arrived, these potential niblings were identified as "born or in utero at the time of my death" - and this actually left me wondering - in the kind of way one does speculate about wild improbabilities - what happens if my brother's girlfriend is pregnant at the time of my death, then has a miscarriage afterwards? Would the dead fetus get a share, which would by default be inherited by my brother's girlfriend? The whole thing has a massive improbability score which I am not seriously worried about - not least, because it's not as if I'm actually going to be around to worry about it if it happens - but it's a curious thing to will money to a fetus. Anyway. I need to get the will witnessed and a copy in store, but once done that should do me for another ten years**. Unless Flow is planning to give newest nephew a sibling. (My sister has already, many times, said emphatically that there are not going to be any more from her.) Anyway. Making a will is important! Even if you have nothing to leave except twelve books and three sex toys and a kitten, the only reason for not making a will is to cause guaranteed amounts of trouble for whoever is required to deal with your crap after you die.  *My house. When sold. **Unless I buy another house in the meantime. Or register a civil partnership. Or the world as we know it comes to an end in 2012. Or have a baby. I mention these things in increasing order of wild improbability, but any one of them could invalidate*** my will. ***Not legally. In Scotland nothing invalidates a previous will but a new will, though you and your heirs and executors ought to be identified by name/address, and a spouse can claim a share. And Scottish courts can process Scots law anywhere, so technically it wouldn't matter if the UK was completely drowned by giant tsunamis. Actually having a child would make a will effectively invalid since a child is legally entitled to a specific share in a Scottish will and can contest the will if they don't get it. Current Mood: amused , someone died, weird stuff, wow i am self-obsessed
November 19th, 200906:40 am: Emotional shocks, sleepless nights, and travelling to Glasgow
Yesterday at work I had a big emotional rock thrown through my window (metaphorically speaking). So I slept badly last night. Also, while sleeping badly, I didn't notice that Bob was outside until I woke up this morning and it occurred to me that she wasn't there. Also I have to go to Glasgow this morning for a 10:30 meeting, which is not unfortunately in the dead centre of Glasgow where I could reach it within 10 minutes walk, or I would plan on getting the 9:15 train that gets me at 10:06 and costs my project £11.50. No: it's just over a mile away, which is doable in 20 minutes if I walk briskly, but a route I don't know and an address I haven't been to before, and I had rather plan on getting there early than late. :-( I'm an Edinbugger: we're good at getting lost in Glasgow. Anyway, so, I figured I should probably plan instead on getting the 8:30 train (makes no difference: any train before the 9:15 one will cost my project £18.80) and get there at 9:21 and have loads of time to wander over. This doesn't interest you, I know: it's boring. I promised myself I would make it to a transgender day of remembrance ceremony this weekend (since the MCC is doing one of their determinedly-not-too-religious ones on Saturday) but Jo Clifford is running two, lunchtime and early evening, at GOMA, today: so I thought I'd go there at lunchtime. I like Jo. (I've never been into dresses. But this is definitely a Dude, where's my jetpack? dress. It's a shame that apparently no one's ever worn it. "A woman can never be too fine when she is all in white." Then she lights up the room.... H/t: Avedon.) I hope Bob shows up before I have to leave. *frets* (The front door downstairs is open: the glass inner door is closed: I let Wolf out. This is usually a good way of getting Bob in, assuming she's not curled up in a neighbour's house right now.) [Update, 7:45 - Bob trots back in, complaining that she's been OUT ALL NIGHT. Yes, lovecat, that tends to happen if you insist on going out in the late evening when I'm TIRED.] Current Mood: awake , glasgow, insomnia, weird stuff
August 31st, 200903:50 pm: Brew Dog Tokyo
I just discovered that the health food shop across the road is selling Brew Dog Tokyo - cost £9.95 for half a pint. (Okay, 330ml: somewhere between 1/2 a pint and 2/3rds of a pint.) This beer is blurbed on their website as The irony of existentialism, the parody of being and the inherent contradictions of post-modernism, all so delicately conveyed by the blocky, pixelated arcade action have all been painstakingly recreated in this bottles contents.
This imperial stout is brewed with copious amounts of speciality malts, jasmine and cranberries. After fermentation we then dry-hop this killer stout with a bucketload of our favourite hops before carefully ageing the beer on French toasted oak chips.
It is all about moderation. Everything in moderation, including moderation itself. What logically follows is that you must, from time, have excess. This beer is for those times. It's also 18.2% alcohol content - so that one small bottle contains twice the daily recommended alcohol limit. (The BBC news page related Internet links include the British Liver Trust, and considering what would happen if you routinely downed this stuff in pints, I am totally not surprised.) But. But. But... It sounds totally existential and post-modern and definitely worth trying at least once... if I can find someone to split the bottle with. (165 ml in a wine glass; three units apiece: you can't drive after that, but it's not immoderate... yet!) So: any of my friends out there (who I'll be seeing, probably, sometime in the next three months) willing to split a bottle of Brew Dog Tokyo with me? Be post-modernist! Be existential! Be... probably a bit drunk? Current Mood: chipper , drinking, imaginary friend meetup, weird stuff
August 27th, 200911:15 pm: Omega talks to ELIZA
Okay, I got one final geeky idea... ( Read more... )(And if you live in the UK and have not yet done so, please sign the petition to the Prime Minister to apologize for the prosecution of Alan Turing, thanks.)       Current Mood: amused , omegle, weird stuff
10:24 pm: omegle.com
It's interesting, in a boring kind of way. You log on and try to talk to a complete stranger (I am chatting with a 17-year-old from Brazil, after 3 goes in which it was completely boring - "Hi sexi girl!" "Do you have MSN?" etc, I got this: ( Read more... )So then I thought I'd try Leonard Cohen lyrics: ( Read more... )and with someone else, only backwards: ( Read more... )...and then I thought I'd try random quotes... ( Read more... )and then finally someone who I think I just succeeded in confusing completely: ( Read more... )and I went back for one more go... ( Read more... )With one exception, all these conversations ended when the other person disconnected. Current Mood: tired , weird stuff
April 1st, 200811:29 am: This morning
I woke up and discovered I had turned into a platypus. I find it very difficult to type with my claws, but I think I'm rather splendid. This is an animal so deliriously ridiculous, biologists refused to believe it could possibly be anything but an elaborate hoax when it was first discovered. To put this in perspective, these exact same biologists believed that rotting meat spontaneously generated maggots and saw nothing wrong with pouring liquid heroin down babies' throats. Platypi are that ridiculous.
But seriously, look at it. It's got a thick, furry body with a flat, beaver-like tail and otter-like feet and we're cool with that because he's so damn fuzzy. Then there's the matter of the big, leathery duck bill and it's suddenly more than a little weird, because that's ... that's not really supposed to happen to mammals.
And then there's the further matter of the very high degree of electroreceptivity in that there bill--it helps the platypus find food buried in the silt. Kinda like a hammerhead shark's head, only instead of being terrifying-looking eye protrusions with an awesome name, it's a goofy-looking duck bill. On a mammal. And OK so that's ... pretty weird, but so what? Their babies are called puggles for fuck's sake! Puggles!
Also they lay eggs for some reason.
And, they are poisonous.
Male platypi have a pair of spurs on their hind legs that they use for defense and dominance duels. They deliver a brutal dose of venom that will put a human being into the emergency room and leave him writhing in muscle-impaired agony for months.
The platypus is mother nature's way of saying, "I made this thing out of spare parts I found on the workshop floor, and it can still fucking cripple you." The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You ( Ornithorhynchidae )Current Mood: platypus! , weird stuff
February 18th, 200612:17 pm: *sporfle*
(via ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) queerbychoice): the surrealist bad joke generator: What's yonmei's favourite song? Jumping Jack Slash What's yonmei's favourite book? Far From The Madding Nicola Marlowd The Convention, The Witch and the Wardrobe Anne Of Cyteen Gables Bridget Being Alones's Diary Being Alone Hundred Years Of Solitude The Abandoned Building James Bible The Lord of the Abandoned Buildings: The Fellowship of the Ring The Lord of the Rings: The Two Nicola Marlowers Where does yonmei go on holiday? Pickled Kumquatemala What's yonmei's favourite song? Shiny Happy Mocking People What's yonmei's favourite film? Granny Weatherwaxi Driver The Dtwof Test Years of Our Lives The Convention in Winter Infingin' in the Rain What's yonmei's favourite album? A Rush Of Blood To The Bread What sport does yonmei enjoy? Mud Fanzinestling Who is yonmei's favourite poet? William Dave Langfordsworth What does yonmei like to wear? A Grammardigan What does yonmei eat for dinner? Pasta with Sun-Dried Fandomato-Olive Sauce What's yonmei's favourite dessert? Angel Alison Bechdelight Peach Alison Bechdelba Tags: weird stuff
January 29th, 200604:00 pm: Awa an bile yer heid, ya numpty.
In a recent lengthy and beautiful rant, ginmar used the phrase "scot free". To which one of the troublemakers* who frequent ginmar's journal responded: Please, preclude yourself from using racist terms in the future. 'Scot free', 'scotch tape', 'thrifty scot' and other icons of supposed Scottish behaviours are abhorent to scots and those of scottish ancestry. Just because we are a minor minority does not mean that we are not hurt nor offended by such idiomatic drek. I checked the guy's userinfo, and found that he's from Michigan in the US... ( Besides being an annoying git )[Error: Invalid poll ID 662371] *Update: Actually, the guy seems to have commented anonymously on his own journal justifying being a troll as a form of art. Weirdness in the world... Tags: meta, weird stuff
February 27th, 200512:38 pm: Another kitchen? Where did that come from?
Last night I had a vivid dream. The dream itself is not important (it involved politics, writing, assassination, the Internet, that kind of thing) but where the dream took place was my home. My home is three rooms in the attic, three rooms on the first floor, and it's more than big enough for me. If I have any longings it's for a bigger kitchen - one with room for a table I could sit at. (I was measuring up for a small kitchen-unit table I saw in a 2nd-hand shop, and concluding that I don't have room for it, sadly.) I dreamed that my house was bigger than I thought. There was a door that led to a corridor, partly open to the outside, but sheltered, that led to two more rooms: a kitchen and a sitting-room. I remember standing in the kitchen, in the middle of the plot of the dream, thinking "Why on earth haven't I done more with this space? It's still got the same kitchen equipment it had when I bought it!" (Ancient fridge with icebox compartment, ancient ancient oven, no microwave....) I was thinking that I've always wanted a really big fridge-freezer, and this space was definitely big enough to have one, and even if I carried on cooking in my usual kitchen, I could store lots of things here. And why did I feel the need to keep cooking in my usual kitchen? Why not make this the real kitchen? Why haven't I done more with this space? And then stuff happened and I had to go and get on with the plot. And then I woke up. I've spent most of the morning mostly asleep (got up to feed/pill cats first thing, went back to bed) but just twenty minutes ago, as I was putting the banana-tofu curry from last night in the freezer, I remembered that I had this space down the corridor that I should check out, and - an instant later - that I didn't, because that had been a dream. Tags: inside of my head, weird stuff
June 6th, 200309:07 pm: Oh, good grief...
Honestly, there are some things that you'd think people would just want to do for themselves, wouldn't you? Evidently not... Tags: weird stuff
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