yonmei

10:40 am: Yonmei's Theory of Present-Giving
It is possible to find a satisfactory gift for anyone given the formula T*Ki*£=G, where T=Time, Ki=Knowledge & intelligence, £=money, and the Perfect Gift has an ideal value of 1. The three constants on the left-hand side of the equation also have ideal values of 1, but can have the value of any real number.

This equation is often worked out formally at this time of year where G is almost invariably less than 1 since T and £ are usually irrational numbers.

However, some gifts go beyond the real values expressed in the formula of gifts, where any of the left-hand values except for £ may become a nontrivial complex number by an act of imagination. (£ must always remain a real number unless you are a government.)

This year the 25th of December was framed for me by two presents that went beyond formula right into helpless giggles of delight: a dragon from Julie, which sits on a crystal ball and smiles at me, and a jar of strawberry marshmallow fluff from my sister, which I opened last of all at the end of a dreary hours-long Christmas at my parents flat, and which I am still giggling at every time I read the jar.




Tags: christmas, dragons, family stuff, lol!, weird stuff

12:29 am: Bob's been reading...

moar funny pictures

Tags: bob, lol!

11:44 am: I think I got the wrong horoscope
I got a horoscope for June via Facebook, but I think someone must have sent me the wrong one:

Good thing you haven't been squandering your fortunes so far this year because, in June, you may be facing some steep medical expenses. This complaint you are investigating probably will turn out to amount to nothing where your basic health is concerned. But in order find out what's really going on, doctors have to order a multiplicity of tests. Debt is really not your style. So don't go there. Your partner's continued resistance to getting help for her emotional condition has begun to wear your patience to a frazzle. Sports and fresh air are on the docket for you in June. Take long walks in green spaces. Join a bike club. Go hiking with someone whose company you love to share. You may face family problems again this month. Someone you love is not playing fair and you know it. Unfortunately you are so fond of this person that you have always let everything he or she does or says affect you deeply. Now you are beginning to see that you have been manipulated and used. No use trying to make this wily character understand your point of view. Just don't be so gullible next time they try to sway your opinion. Say 'yes' if you must. But don't necessarily mean it. The professional outlook for Horses this June is very positive. I suggest you begin now to look for new contacts in your career and start that hobby you have been wanting to take up for so long. An outlet for your talent is essential to your equilibrium.

Give me a horoscope for June and I'll give you one! I'm sure we can do better than this...



Tags: horoscopes, lol!

10:38 pm: I know I'm not heterosexual
...but oh, dear.

Tags: lol!

08:29 am: Cupcakes in several programming languages


BASIC
After trying several times to bake cupcakes using IF... THEN... ELSE... you GOTO a bakery and BUY cupcakes.

C
You try to bake a cupcake, but find out too late that the oven is actually the fires of hell.

UNIX
% ls
cupcake.c flour.h soya milk.o cider vinegar.c oil.o sugar.s
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such cupcake or recipe
% ls
%

Visual BASIC
You'll burn the cupcakes, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Visual BASIC.NET
You spend a fortune on a high-powered, self-cleaning automatic oven with unlimited cupcakes, only to realize it takes a year to switch it on.

Java
After importing java.awt.vegan.cupcake.* and java.awt.hot.oven.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you've forgotten what the hell you're doing.



Tags: cupcakes, lol!

01:57 pm: I’m not sexist. Some of my best friends are non-male.
"And great-grandmother was a woman, which makes me one-eighth female!"
- Yatima, Winner of several Internets.

Please grow up before midnight, little purple dragon.

Tags: feminism, lol!

08:43 pm: Valentines and dragons and xkcd

Get your own valentinr

( xkcd )

Tags: lol!, valentines day

05:51 pm: This is not a bus


(Generate your own bus slogan.)


Also, saddleback. And:


Tags: dragon eggs need clicky, dragons, lol!, privilege, saddleback

10:04 pm: Ann Robinson for the win!
"So George said 'Goodbye, God bless, God speed!' and Barack said 'George, you are the weakest link, goodbye!'"

Tags: evil american politics, lol!

02:16 pm: Vegetarians? Are DANGEROUS.
See what happens when big bad DANGEROUS snake attempts to have cute little flopsy bunny for LUNCH.

Hee.

In other news, I have run away from the work I should be doing at home to have a yummy vegan brunch in the Forest Cafe. The sausages were Wicken Fen, very nice; the onions and mushrooms could have been more crispy, but it is hard to go much wrong with fresh, organic, just-cooked onions and mushrooms, and the cook wasn't trying that hard: the toast was organic, wholemeal, tasty: and the baked beans were baked beans. The winner was the tofu scramble, which I was expecting to be faked-up scrambled egg, but which was very nice - spicy, with bits of pepper and garlic.

I am contemplating a second cup of coffee. I've been fiddling with photos as I sit here. Tomorrow I go back to work.

Tags: lol!, vegan recipes

09:47 am: Is nothing sacred?
New! Dating is a search problem. Solve it with Google Romance

(I particularly like "Post multiple profiles with a bulk upload file, you sleaze.")

Tags: lol!

11:57 pm: A nice hot cup of tea
You want to know the awful truth of how Brits respond to a crisis?

We make tea and tell sick jokes.

*hugs* to you all, with comforting hot beverage of your choice.

Tags: lol!, london, tea

05:26 pm: Successive reactions to the bombing
1. Call Catmunk. It took me fifteen minutes to make sure that my closer-than-brother was okay, and his partner, (when they go to work by Underground, they pass through Aldgate East) but he was.

2. Check livejournal. Gradually over the day establish that (I think) everyone else whom I was worried about was, in fact, OK. (My favourite post is still lexin's, one of the first.)

3. Snigger at the first black joke I saw made about it. (It had to do with Chirac probably being responsible because London got the Olympics. You had to be there.)

4. And the next one. ("Yeah, it sure looked like power surges... until the first bus blew up.)

5. Call my brother, once I could locate him: yes, he's okay, too.

6. And yeah, let's still get out of Iraq at the end of this year. That's what we were pushing for before today: let's not let whoever was responsible for this attack change our minds.

Tags: evil british politics, family stuff, lol!, london

05:29 pm: People who make you laugh
Wouldn't it be neat if there were a public monument celebrating British comedy writers? A mad tea party in bronze in a park, the sort of sculpture you can climb on and look at: P. G. Wodehouse, Joyce Grenfell, Jill Tweedie, Douglas Adams. Fifth dead British writer who made you laugh? (Dead is traditional, I'm afraid. And I was sticking to the 20th century, though there's no reason to.) Or other names? Or a bigger teatable? Or different categories? How would you appropriately memorialize a standup comedian?

Humour is generally a very culturally-specific thing, and reading past funny writers is one of the easiest ways of reminding yourself that the past really is a different country. All four writers I named have made me cry with laughter, literally speechless, but when I was trying to think of other names (P.G.Wodehouse was the first one who came to mind, yes) most of the writers who have made me weep with laughter are still alive and writing, nor would I wish it any other way. (Douglas Adams and Jill Tweedie make the list because they died untimely, sod it.)

Tags: douglas adams, jill tweedie, joyce grenfell, lol!, wodehouse

11:51 pm: The Day After Tomorrow
...was, on one level, merely your classic bad-science disaster movie with inane plot. And there is truth to this description (see The Day After Tomorrow in 15 minutes).

( but, spoilerific spoiler spoiler spoiler... )

Tags: fanfic, films, lol!, slash slash slashity slash, weather

10:03 am: Lightbulb challenge
I've seen a lot of lightbulb jokes in my time, and even made a few, but reading this post on pickled_ginger's journal made me realise there is a Serious Gap here.

How many LJ'ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

all comments will be screened till thirteen hundred hours gmt

Tags: let there be light!, lol!