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A girl was killed the other day, a girl I knew: an invisible girl, a girl behind a mask, a girl who never got to be a girl.
She was killed. She was a soldier, serving in Iraq: an American soldier, in a war zone: over three thousand soldiers had been killed already, a million Iraqi dead.
We all wear masks on the Internet. Some of us wear masks in real life too, and Kaija wore more masks than most.
She was a soldier serving in the US army, due to complete her term of enlistment this year, looking forward to the day she wouldn't be a soldier: she could get to be a girl.
I knew Kaija. Not well: we exchanged a few e-mails, a few months ago, because I was the only out lesbian she knew, and she needed to know where a girl like her, a girl who wore a man's name and M as her official gender, could go when got out of the army. She didn't want to lose her pension: she didn't want to be dishonourably discharged: she wanted to go to Iraq, with her comrades, and do her duty. She wanted to complete her promised term of service. I didn't know her well, but I knew her well enough to know that she was the kind of person who keeps her promises.
So she died. Someone killed her. Over a million people have died already, blown up, shot, run over, bludgeoned, skulls exploded - but Kaija's the first one who died I knew personally, and Kaija died unacknowledged, unmourned, utterly alone. No one in the army knew Kaija existed: most of her family didn't know: the last I heard Kaija's wife, who loved the man who was Kaija's closest mask, the man who was Kaija, couldn't believe in Kaija: couldn't believe the man she loved, who loved her, was a woman.
Kaija wrote under masks, as we all do: many people knew and mourn the man they knew behind the masks.
If I am the only person in the world to weep, right now, because Kaija died, the girl no one knew, the girl who never got to be a girl, the girl who was just tapping at her chrysalis, hoping this year would be the year she could fly -
Oh, Kaija. You go, girl.
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Memorial for Kaija
I was trying to figure out, after Kaija died, how to create a public memorial for someone who never publicly existed. She had a blog (Who is She?) which will last for a while. Other than that, I don't believe she ever had an online presence.
This isn't the direction my giving usually takes, but when I thought about making a donation in Kaijas's name, what felt right was to give to an American military charity: and when I started looking them up, I found that one kept coming to the forefront: it's called the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. It was founded in 2000 to support the families of US military women and men killed in service, and since 2005 when the US government increased financial support to the families of casualties, the Fund provides support to severely wounded military personnel and veterans. I think Kaija would like that.
If at least $1000 is donated to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund in Kaija's name, Kaija Seifert is memorialised on the Intrepid Fallen Heroes website. I'd really like that. I think she would too.
www.fallenheroesfund.org
Click on How to contribute. The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund lists all contributions above $1,000 on their website. Then click here to contribute online. I'm afraid minimum donation is $10, which at current exchange rates is just over £5, just under 7 euros, or if you're in Australia, just over $11. (If in Canada, you probably know better than I do what the exchange rate is, and may I say you have my sympathy.)
In the comments field, please enter:
"Kaija Seifert was a transgendered soldier serving in the US military who was killed recently in Iraq. I want her chosen name remembered." (Add whatever else you would like, up to 360 characters.)
Check the "This is a tribute" checkbox. There will be fields on the next page giving "Tribute Information". (Don't forget that if you want US software not to throw up and faint at UK postcodes, it all has to be run together as one unit, not two separate pieces.) Then you should see: Tribute Information: You have indicated that your donation is a tribute or a gift donation.
Click the "In Memory of" radio button.
In the Name field, enter "Kaija Seifert".
In the Occasion field, enter "Killed in Iraq, winter 2008" (or to that effect).
In the "Please send notification of my gift to the following address" field, it has to be an American address, and Kaija's family aren't tellable. I've put the "Transgender American Veterans Association" - the organisation Kaija was getting in touch with.
The final form should say: "Your credit card statement will list GIVEDIRECT instead of Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund because your donation is being processed by the GiveDirect Online Donation System."
Matt Krause of the IFHF wrote: "Of course there is no problem in proudly displaying Kaija's name among our other various supporters. Rest assured that the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund does not discriminate in any way (be it sexual orientation, race, religion, political affiliation, etc.) and greatly appreciates all donations and support from any and all who chose to contribute."
Thank you again.
Inside the lj-cut are details about donating to a US military charity to create a memorial: I would actively rather people not donate there if they prefer not to donate to an American or military charity, and please not to donate at all if things are financially tight. Kaija wouldn't have wanted that, and nor do I. I don't believe in any afterlife, except as people are remembered. Please, remember Kaija: thank you for reading about her: thank you for remembering her.
Current Mood: 
sad
sad