yonmei

06:38 pm: If You Call Me Meme
If you call me Smoodge, you're my mum or my dad suffering from the family problem of name-confusion.

If you call me Hepzibah, you are something to do with the mortgage, or a non-clued-in doctor or medical receptionist, or someone else trying to be friendly who got my name from records that have to use the birth-certificate version of my name.

If you call me Wild Bill, you are someone who knows me from almost anywhere - school, workplaces, friends, fandom, family. (If you call me any short form of Wild Bill with a silent X added, you don't know me well at all.)

If you call me Miss Ionary, you are my solicitor, most likely. No one else does.

If you call me Mrs Weatherwax, you are probably a telemarketer. Or possibly an electrician.

If you call me Ms Weatherwax, you are someone from whom I am buying stuff or with whom I am registering for something, who has asked me for my preferences.

If you call me ma'am, you're American.

If you call me Terrifying, you are a mad drunken lesbian I used to know or a mad hyperactive straight man I'm still vaguely in touch with.

If you call me Duchess of Yesterday Morning, you are probably a Quaker (or possibly a fan) who hasn't met me before, and is therefore opting for formality.

If you call me Hepzibah Wild Bill the Terrifying Duchess of Yesterday Morning, you are a librarian friend of my parents who thought it was amusing to call the three children of her friends by our full names, but I haven't seen you in years.

If you call me tonight, you know me through "touched", but we probably haven't spoken much lately and I'd really like to have a natter.

If you call me Yonmei, you're a livejournaller who knows me via livejournal only.

If you call me Ishmael, you've been reading Hermann Melville.

Warning. The information in this meme is accurate. Reality is highly defective.